Do-Over Tip #5: Get Advice

women.helping.womenGet Advice...From Veterans

When you're starting over, getting advice is just like when you were pregnant the first time, everyone has advice for you - even people who never had children. Some of the advice is based in good sense but much of it is opinion-based.

Here's the thing about opinions: they are the cheapest commodities in the world. You don't need anything to have an opinion except how you feel at any given moment. Opinions don't have to backed up with fact. Everyone can have an opinion - and they do!

So, in your do-over, getting advice is good, maybe even critically important.

Here's whose advice you can ignore:

  • The family member or "friend" who has a lot to say but who doesn't really support you
  • Someone who knew someone who did it (third party hearsay)
  • Someone who read about "this kind of thing" in a magazine
  • Websites with private chats

Here's who is more likely to help you:

  • The woman (and sometimes the man) who has done it successfully. Lots of people will say, "Here's what I did and it wasn't a good idea; if I was going to do it over, I'd do this..." Ignore them. Find the person who has been there, lived through the trials and tribulations, and came out better on the other side.
    • That's something I looked for when I interviewed women for my first book, Victorious Woman. Lots of women had great stories and I talked to them. However, I chose women who had great stories and who demonstrated that what they did took them to a higher and better place in life. They are the ones who already practiced what they are preaching to you.
  • A family member or friend who has a track record for having your best interests at heart and who has more than an opinion. You want someone who can back up what they say with fact and experience.
  • A professional: a counselor, priest, minister, etc. But, while these professionals are worthy sounding boards, when it comes to advice, the same rules apply: they have to know what they're telling you from their own experience.
    • Did you ever wonder why a woman, man or couple would go to a Catholic priest for marital advice?

Once you get their advice, follow Do-Over Tip#6...


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