Our parents and teachers taught us to be good girls and be agreeable. So when people ask us for favors, we frequently give in to their wishes – even if it steps on something we value – like our honesty, or independence or self-respect. You might think saying ‘yes’ when you’d rather say ‘no’ may be good manners, but can be very destructive to our health. How? When we feel angry, resentful, bitter, etc. on a regular basics, those feelings solidify into attitudes. Research has shown that negative/pessimistic attitudes dampen the immune system and leave us vulnerable to disease (dis-ease).
From now on, instead of instantly agreeing to requests, take a moment to think about what you can and cannot do. Instead of the instant "yes" say, “Let me think about it and I’ll get back to you [name a specific time].” OR, suggest a help exchange, that is, you can help them with their project, if they will help you with something you have to do.
If you aren't used to doing this, practice-practice-practice. Share this with a friend and practice with each other. Very often when you get used to saying the words out loud (when you don't need to) they come more easily and naturally when you are actually in the situation.
If you haven’t checked out your Values lately? If not, start here: ValuesList
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What is the Victorious Woman Project?
Founded by Annmarie Kelly, the Victorious Woman Project is a female empowerment resource containing articles, classes, books, podcasts and other tools for women over 40.