If your friends called you stupid, ugly or fat, they wouldn't be your friends for long, would they? But here's the kind of crippling things I hear from women say about themselves:
That was so stupid.
I’m so stupid.
I hate my [hair, butt, nose, mouth, hips, etc.]
Why can I do anything right?
I hate myself for [whatever]
What’s wrong with me?
I never do anything right.
I’m such a bitch. Why can’t I be nicer?
Nothing ever works out for me.
Which crippling self-talk is your go-to phrase? I'll bet you say at least one of them. Why? Do you really think you're stupid, incompetent, ugly, mean or cursed? Probably not. So why talk to yourself as if you were?
What would you do if your best friend talked that way about herself? You wouldn’t let her; you'd tell her to stop putting herself down. You’d tell her she’s a good person, that she has a lot going for her. That you love her.
So why the double standard? Why can you give her the benefit of the doubt and the support she needs, but not give it to yourself?
Every time you talk yourself down, you damage your SELF – that very special part of you who isn’t like anyone else. You were put on this earth with a purpose and talking yourself down is the fastest way to cripple your ego and distract you from your purpose.
To help you become fully aware of your negative self-talk, you can use the rubber band method (see Tip #3 - “stop apologizing”). When you catch yourself (ouch!), replace whatever you said with something you would say to your best friend. For example:
- Crippling Self-Talk: What an idiot. Why am I always so stupid?
- Replace with: Ha! That just goes to show that even us smart chicks can make a mistake. Good thing I’m so kind and have such a great sense of humor!
The attitude shift will happen immediately; you'll notice it.
When you first start doing this, you'll have to be conscious of your self-talk. Eventually, as you eliminate the crippling, sabotaging talk that holds you back, it'll become unconscious. In time, your positive self-talk will become automatic; you'll find yourself honoring your SELF naturally.
Did you like this tip? Then you LOVE the newly updated e-workbook: Victory by Design!
Make even more progress with the Upcoming Classes that will help you BE MORE, DO MORE and HAVE MORE of the life you LOVE TO LIVE!:
- September 25: Victory by Design Webinar
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- November 6: How to Talk So People Will Listen webinar
- November 18: Kelly’s Cafe – Coaching teleseminar
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What is the Victorious Woman Project?
Founded by Annmarie Kelly, the Victorious Woman Project is a female empowerment resource containing articles, classes, books, podcasts and other tools for women over 40.